I have one child, a son. He is a grown man, one that makes me proud. No matter his age, he is still my child. I am fortunate to have him and even more fortunate to enjoy a close relationship with him. Medically, it wasn’t in the picture to have any other children. Granted, I was never one of those women who fell victim to baby fever but it was the reasonable next step. I thought that would be the direction I was headed; it was not to be. I refer to my son as my one and only and there is no one else who walks this earth that I love more.

Growing up with my three brothers I learned that guilt and blame could be shared. I am sure we didn’t fool our parents. As a child it seemed appropriate to blame someone else for a misdeed rather than accept the truth and punishment that would follow. This has made it painfully clear why I feel I let my son down by not providing a sibling. At one point in time, we had a ten gallon aquarium in our living room. It was prominently displayed on the Mission Oak desk by the front windows. I could hear a golf ball being bounced in the room when my son was about six years old. I don’t fully remember but I am sure I must have asked him not to bounce the ball in the house. Shortly afterward, there was a commotion in the room. I came out to see that the aquarium was quickly leaking from a shattered panel. The blame was placed on Dusty. Without a sibling, my son had no one to blame but the cat.

I have never thought about him being spoiled but he did reap the advantages of being an only child. He never had to share a room, his schedule was never compromised by another brother or sister having competing activities and he did have the good fortune of having a car as a new driver. When I speak of him not being spoiled, I recall the other facets of our life. He wore hand-me-downs from his cousin and thrifted clothes. When his father was active duty Navy, there was no sibling to share the loneliness that deployments would create. The car he drove was far from new. I am also aware how my life has been shaped by having an only child. These days I am in receipt of greeting cards that have a beautiful and heartfelt sentiment additionally added, but no signature. My son responds, with a smile, and sees no point to include his signature. Who else would send me a card designated for mother?

Now that he is an adult and I am a senior, is there anything left for me to do as a parent? If there is a surplus of baked goods or casserole, I still have a knee jerk reaction to offer him some. He is accomplished in the kitchen and there is no need to worry that he is going hungry. I am painfully aware that since the divorce, he will now have two estates to deal with when his father and I make our transitions. My goal is to have a plan in place so he can operate on auto-pilot. Even with that consideration I am well aware what important role I must still maintain. Hopefully I have given him a strong foundation and the material items are not as important now but I know my job is not complete. My focus is to continue to pray for my son. As a mother it remains the most important thing I can offer my one and only.