Tag Archives: Meeting life’s challenges

Sorry

Posted on by
2

I have been told that I am a complex individual. I am certain this opinion is the result of my eclectic interests. I am a self-professed political news junkie who is equally comfortable watching the old Walton reruns. Another contradiction might be the fact that I make a concerted effort to save money by my weekly dump runs rather than pay for trash pick-up at the house. It’s ironic that this habit allows me to enjoy purchasing a donut with coffee on a Saturday morning and suddenly not be overly troubled by the expenditure. Surprisingly, a trip through the drive thru recently provided me with an interesting lesson at no additional cost.

Although I get no financial kickback from Dunkin Donuts I will share that this is the location that I frequent when in the mood for caffeine and carbs. One such morning found me ready to announce my desire into the speaker. I was the only one in line, which was very unusual. I placed my order and drove around to the window. Again, with no one ahead of me, I didn’t feel like I had sufficient time to retrieve the payment from my wallet. I quickly pulled the funds out and handed them to the clerk at the window. He accepted it and offered my change directly. I took the money, prepared to return it to my wallet, which had me momentarily turn my back on the clerk. When I turned around again, he had my order at the window. Automatically, thinking I kept him waiting, I told him I was sorry and without missing a beat he said I had no reason to be sorry as I had done nothing wrong.

I looked at this clerk, who appeared to be barely out of high school, and wondered how someone so young had such a capacity for wisdom. I was still the only one in line and my purchase wasn’t holding up any other customer. The clerk would be paid, whether or not I took up any additional time at the window. There was no pressing business beyond my transaction, yet I professed that I was sorry. I realized that this was an all too common knee-jerk response. Although Elton John will sing how sorry seems to be the hardest word, it’s my experience that it rolls off the tongue much too often.

As a female, raised Catholic, I am an expert on guilt. When did it become the norm to be responsible and sorry for everything? It is uttered in personal conversations, professional settings and everywhere in between. It is professed regularly, without much thought or sincerity. Don’t misconstrue my missive as promoting a lack of civility. As I become cognizant of the countless times I utter “sorry” I find I’m trying to better express myself. I now apologize or ask for forgiveness when it is necessary and appropriate. I currently try not to jump to the all-encompassing contrition and chalk it up to additional self-awareness.

Before you accuse me of being extreme, by mentioning this habit many of us have, let me explain further. I will admit that offering the automatic remark of sorry is not going to upset the balance of the universe. Upon reflection though, in general, I sense that conversations could be more meaningful if engaged with active listening and spoken with additional thought, compassion, empathy and truth. Not every statement must be profound and there will always be room for teasing, silliness and humor. A cliché comes to mind: Say what you mean and mean what you say. The reality is that once words are spoken or shared through a chat or text mode, they can’t be retrieved. As I age I have had the sad experience of recounting what would be my last conversation with loved ones. I will make a conscious effort to never leave a conversation that takes on a tone of harshness, disagreement or anger. Bottom line, I will continue to express myself but in the end I remain hopeful that I won’t have any reason to be sorry.

The Greatest Generation

Posted on by
4

An elderly man was pushing his shopping cart through the check out and I didn’t realize that I was blocking his exit. His white hair was neatly trimmed and combed into place. I noticed that although it was spring, he was wearing a flannel shirt. It looked as if the tags had recently been removed as it appeared new. Work pants completed his outfit. His cart contained two boxes of Cheerios and a bag. He politely let me know that he was trying to move around me and I stepped to the side. With a smile I asked him if he had a license to operate his shopping cart.

What I thought was a humorous passing comment opened a conversation that I didn’t anticipate. Not knowing if he misunderstood my remark, he chose to tell me that he was 99 years old and has been able to maintain his driver’s license. I didn’t get a sense that he said it in a condescending way but rather with understated pride. I could see that he was someone that didn’t take his independence for granted.

Although I have played our conversation over in my head several times, I am still unable to remember how he introduced the fact that he was a veteran of WWII. He was an infantry soldier and it has left a mark on him that is evident to this day. Ironically, he was soft spoken, yet his words suggested that during those years he experienced hell on earth. He spoke of the heat and the bugs and how collectively it had played havoc on their health. There was no relief at night as they slept on the ground and the morning dampness only added to the damage of their skin. However harsh the environment might have been, it played only a small part of what they contended with regularly. His battalion saw heavy fighting and heavy losses. With pride he shared that there was a monument erected as a result of their service.

If he shared the particular information identifying his battalion or the actual location where he fought, I don’t recall. I do feel I heard what was important. Here was a man who selflessly put his life on the line for what he believed. I had been given the perception that he questions why he was able to survive when so many others didn’t. He has done more than survive as he anticipates celebrating his 100th birthday by the end of summer. He has had many years to reflect upon his life and what his purpose might have been as he made his way on this journey. After our conversation came to an end he smiled and said he was going home to read his Bible.

I don’t know who this man is and I am certain I will never see him again. I know nothing of him other than what he chose to share. I have no name to identify him and no way to congratulate him on his anticipated 100th birthday. He could say the same of me. Yet the universe felt it was necessary for our paths to cross. An elderly man was able to share a part of his life that was traumatic yet deemed necessary. Although I was a receptive audience, I look at myself and wonder what the purpose might have been.

It might be natural to think of the Greatest Generation during this Memorial Day weekend. How many of that population never had the opportunity to grow old? They experienced the Depression and made it through to the other side. They did their part in the sky, on land and sea. For those not serving, they kept the home fires burning with ration books in hand. They raised families where many of their offspring let their hair grow and questioned the necessity of war. Yet this resilient group of people continued to move forward. Every day their numbers dwindle and their lives full of service and sacrifice go with them.

I felt like I was given a gift to have a window into this stranger’s life. By accepting this gift I feel I must pay it forward. I chose to make payment by honoring this individual, those like him, and most importantly, those who gave their lives. This blog doesn’t scratch the surface of recompense for their sacrifice but it comes with a profound sincerity.  

Circle of Life

Posted on by
Reply

There are times in life we witness something so magnificent that it blindsides us. It could be a matter of timing or possibly sheer luck. It feels miraculous to be at the right time and place to become a spectator to something that has the potential to take your breath away. That is how I felt when I recently witnessed a bald eagle in flight.

Driving through a suburban neighborhood usually doesn’t offer the most scenic backdrop. Something might catch your eye on the order of landscaping or a real estate sign but usually those trips are uneventful. When I witnessed a bald eagle cross my path I was astonished. I instantly found myself reaching for my phone but stopped when I realized that I needed to leave it in my purse and focus on the spectacle before me. The eagle had recently taken flight as it came from the left and was just above the height of my car. It was high enough to clear my path but low enough that I could see the bird in all its stunning glory. When its flight brought it directly above me, it took a ninety degree turn and momentarily I was following its path. Then as quickly as it made its first turn, it did it once again and flew off to the right. It was overwhelming and I found my heart was beating wildly in my chest and then I realized that the eagle held a rabbit in its talons. I winced and tears came to my eyes.

I watched the eagle continue to fly with the rabbit silhouetted against a beautiful blue sky. There didn’t seem to be a struggle coming from the rabbit and it appeared to hang there, so still. I am not so naïve that I don’t have command of the laws of nature and the reality of the food chain. An eagle with its commanding presence needs nutrition and it was merely doing what was needed to survive. I am not a vegetarian and it might appear hypocritical that it tugged at my heart strings to see the rabbit carried off to become a meal. Truthfully, I did wonder if the rabbit was a mother whose rabbit kits would be left behind, defenseless. Was the rabbit taken when out playing with its litter mates? Maybe it seems foolish to place human characteristics on the vulnerable rabbit but I can’t be honest about my experience without sharing my thoughts.

Upon reflection I realized I witnessed the Circle of Life. Pardon me, Elton, as I expand on your song’s lyrics. If we are fortunate enough to rack up decades of living, I would hope it would be matched with the realization that everyday our role may change but we are still offered the chance to do more than just survive. I can look back at the times that I felt the strength of the eagle coursing through my veins, a feeling of being invincible. In direct contrast there were times that I felt as victimized as the rabbit. There doesn’t seem to be a way to appreciate the goodness without experiencing the challenges. I would hope that appreciating the positive aspects tip the scale when comparing them to the tests and trials. Mostly my wish is that when we are presented with the role of the rabbit, we can fly with the eagle knowing that we knew our purpose and our life would reflect how we sought to meet it.