Tag Archives: Positivity

Season Changes

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I have been home, recovering from surgery, for two months. While recuperating, I realized that life has continued and my lack of participation has not stopped the march of time. I missed the end of the summer season. The farm stands that offered corn, watermelon and cantaloupes now are full of pumpkins and squash.  The lush green canopy of trees have become swirling red, yellow and orange leaves, providing a colorful carpet upon the ground. There have even been changes in my personal life. Prior to returning to work I decided it was time for a new hair style. I am now revisiting my short and curly look. There is one more obvious change in my life; for the first time in over thirty five years, I have no cat underfoot.

I don’t plan on making this a memorial to Scout, but I do want to share a bit about her. When I purchased my home eighteen years ago, she turned up in my yard. Whenever I was outside she would be there, bouncing and jumping around. For being such a tiny kitten she was spending her time with the big cats as part of a feral colony. I was not looking for another cat as I already had two residing with me. I reconsidered when thinking about the age of one, who was nineteen at the time. I thought for sure I would lose her sometime in the near future and rescuing Scout would allow me to return to life with two cats again. My elderly cat lived to see twenty two. For several years I was the crazy cat lady with three cats.  

Scout spent years unapologetically continuing to show her feral roots. She was often referred to as the invisible cat as she would make herself scarce if I had visitors. During her life with me she shared space with a total of three other different cats and she was left when it was time for each of them to cross the Rainbow Bridge. For the last two years of her life, she was my “one and only” and she easily adapted to life without competition for food and affection. She finally came out of her shell and acknowledged that she was comfortable with receiving attention from my guests. In the past two months, as I recuperated, she had been my constant companion. I noticed her weight loss but attributed it to the fact that she had reached the age of eighteen and time was taking its toll.

I think that there is something to human psychology and spending time together that has you overlook gradual changes. Those who have not seen someone for a period of time can readily pick up on them. Scout continued to lose weight and yet her appetite increased. I didn’t initially notice as she maintained her normal routine. She would wake me each morning and would talk to me as she led me into the kitchen. She was affectionate as ever and I would pet her, listen to her purr but I could feel her bones under her skin. Her coat remained shiny and silky. A vet visit confirmed that her organs were well but she had developed a mass. I knew that a tough decision lay ahead of me. I resented the fact that I had to return to work. If I remained home I could monitor her and not feel like I was cutting her life short.

I finally came to the conclusion that I was denying the true state of her health and wasn’t doing her any favors by not taking the responsible steps. I continued to vacillate until the final moments. Once she was gone I realized that I had a sense of relief. She loved me unconditionally and trusted me. For years she knew she would be fed and the litter box would be clean. She knew she would be safe, warm and loved. This was the final step in our relationship. The change I dreaded has happened and I go on. There is positive side, I realize that the loss of Scout allows me to offer a safe haven to another homeless cat in the future. I also recognize there is a greater lesson. Sometimes the changes we dread the most, propel us to a new environment filled with opportunity and unexpected rewards and goodness. The loss of a loved one creates a figurative void in our hearts. I have come to understand that grief can expand your heart to a point that it feels like it will burst. It feels as if it has been stretched, creating an even larger void.  When the time is right, there is a possibility that we can be blessed by something else that will fill that void. It won’t be the same, nor should it. As we continue to live and breathe, our hearts are still beating and capable of love. It’s up to us to be open to it.

Season Changes

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I have been home, recovering from surgery, for two months. While recuperating, I realized that life has continued and my lack of participation has not stopped the march of time. I missed the end of the summer season. The farm stands that offered corn, watermelon and cantaloupes now are full of pumpkins and squash.  The lush green canopy of trees have become swirling red, yellow and orange leaves, providing a colorful carpet upon the ground. There have even been changes in my personal life. Prior to returning to work I decided it was time for a new hair style. I am now revisiting my short and curly look. There is one more obvious change in my life; for the first time in over thirty five years, I have no cat underfoot.

I don’t plan on making this a memorial to Scout, but I do want to share a bit about her. When I purchased my home eighteen years ago, she turned up in my yard. Whenever I was outside she would be there, bouncing and jumping around. For being such a tiny kitten she was spending her time with the big cats as part of a feral colony. I was not looking for another cat as I already had two residing with me. I reconsidered when thinking about the age of one, who was nineteen at the time. I thought for sure I would lose her sometime in the near future and rescuing Scout would allow me to return to life with two cats again. My elderly cat lived to see twenty two. For several years I was the crazy cat lady with three cats.  

Scout spent years unapologetically continuing to show her feral roots. She was often referred to as the invisible cat as she would make herself scarce if I had visitors. During her life with me she shared space with a total of three other different cats and she was left when it was time for each of them to cross the Rainbow Bridge. For the last two years of her life, she was my “one and only” and she easily adapted to life without competition for food and affection. She finally came out of her shell and acknowledged that she was comfortable with receiving attention from my guests. In the past two months, as I recuperated, she had been my constant companion. I noticed her weight loss but attributed it to the fact that she had reached the age of eighteen and time was taking its toll.

I think that there is something to human psychology and spending time together that has you overlook gradual changes. Those who have not seen someone for a period of time can readily pick up on them. Scout continued to lose weight and her appetite increased. I didn’t initially notice as she maintained her normal routine. She would wake me each morning and would talk to me as she led me into the kitchen. She was affectionate as ever and I would pet her, listen to her purr but I could feel her bones under her skin. Her coat remained shiny and silky. A vet visit confirmed that her organs were well but she had developed a mass. I knew that a tough decision lay ahead of me. I resented the fact that I had to return to work. If I remained home I could monitor her and not feel like I was cutting her life short.

I finally came to the conclusion that I was denying the true state of her health and wasn’t doing her any favors by not taking the responsible steps. I continued to vacillate until the final moments. Once she was gone I realized that I had a sense of relief. She loved me unconditionally and trusted me. For years she knew she would be fed and the litter box would be clean. She knew she would be safe, warm and loved. This was the final step in our relationship. The change I dreaded has happened and I go on. There is positive side, I realize that the loss of Scout allows me to offer a safe haven to another homeless cat in the future. I also recognize there is a greater lesson. Sometimes the changes we dread the most, propel us to a new environment filled with opportunity and unexpected rewards and goodness. The loss of a loved one creates a figurative void in our hearts. I have come to understand that grief can expand your heart to a point that it feels like it will burst. It feels as if it has been stretched, creating an even larger void.  When the time is right, there is a possibility that we can be blessed by something else that will fill that void. It won’t be the same, nor should it. As we continue to live and breathe, our hearts are still beating and capable of love. It’s up to us to be open to it.

Timber!

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Trees provide pencils, paper and oxygen. Growing up I remember the smell of fresh lumber in the house as my father always had something under construction. During my childhood Christmases, the aroma of some type of evergreen would permeate the house. I say “some type” as I am not an expert on trees. As a young girl I enjoyed watching Here Comes the Brides. The show’s concept was built upon the trials and tribulations experienced by the single women that were brought out to Seattle to accompany the lonely lumberjacks. I didn’t learn much about the lumber business by watching because, like everyone else, I had a crush on Bobby Sherman, one of the lumberjack brothers. Later, as an adolescent, I was an avid fan of the Waltons. Their family business had them operate a saw mill. I vaguely remember them harvesting the lumber strategically and being cautious not to strip the mountain. That little gem might have caught my attention as the concept of commemorating Earth Day was taking off. To celebrate its inception, President Nixon planted a tree on the White House lawn. If I haven’t lost you yet, you may have noticed that my knowledge of trees is enough to complete one paragraph.

Fast forward to present day. Surprisingly the lumber business has frequently come to mind. This time it has nothing to do with a television show but rather my place of work. I cross the mountain each day to find myself often staring at the edges of cut trees, piled high on a flatbed truck, as I wait for the light to turn green. There have also been unfortunate delays occasionally, as a truck is unable to complete a turn onto the narrow streets. Traffic is held up until the truck can inch its way to freedom. This current experience has expanded what has been my very shallow interest where lumber is concerned.

At some point, in school, I am sure we covered trees and their internal rings. I was not a big fan of Science but I do recall the concept of each ring signified a year in the life of the tree. It’s ironic that piece of knowledge has come back to me as I am presented with actual examples on a regular basis. During a lengthy wait behind one of these trucks, I took the time to notice that the size, color and thickness of the rings would vary from tree to tree. Nature is the catalyst or culprit behind these variances. If a tree was exposed to harsh outside elements, record of it would show in the rings. Fire and drought would leave its mark. The age and history of these trees would have remained hidden, under their bark, if they hadn’t met an early demise due to the handiwork of a saw.

I think we, the human race, can compare our lives to those of trees. Our exterior can hide the history of our growth and what we have encountered. There might have been times when we experienced drought. Maybe we felt like our lives were devoid of something: love and companionship, a decent wage or living situation, or the focus needed to select a better path. Possibly we were scorched or singed by living a little too carefree or pursuing a passion that was destined to go up in smoke. If we are fortunate, we live our lives without constant challenges. Just as a tree adds its rings, time goes by and we age, adding learned lessons and wisdom with each passing year. No one knows, as it could all remain hidden like the trees. If our experience is one that allows us to continue to rack up the rings, I would suggest we follow the example set by trees. Reach for the sky. Continue to focus on what is above and always look upward, constantly striving to become stronger each year. When the time comes to count your rings I pray they are immeasurable and unique.

Friends, the Family We Choose

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Not to sound egotistical but I must have been a very smart little girl. At the age of eight I made a friend. At the time I had no idea what the future held, my focus was on play and laughter. Now, over half a century later, I still claim her as one of my closest friends. We are very much our own people but I have found comfort in our like mindedness. Her honesty and fortitude have been invaluable over the years. For decades we haven’t lived close physically, but rather 1600 miles apart. The distance hasn’t lessened the connection.

Years later, as an adult, I had the experience of making a lasting friendship during my time as a Navy wife. The connection was actually made through our sons who found each other in friendship as classmates. We shared an uncanny connection through husbands and the Navy but I don’t think that had us tip the scales in the creation of our bond. Fortunately, a solid relationship was the end result. It has been over thirty years since the foundation was laid. Countless numbers of family celebrations and events have been shared. There are 100 miles between us, but again, the distance hasn’t dampened the relationship.

It would almost appear that my closest friends are the furthest away. That is not necessarily the case. I have a wonderful group of women that I share a meal with on a regular basis. They are supportive and compassionate and their presence in my life is positive and uplifting. I met another friend, also living nearby, through one of my previous professional positions. The job was eliminated but the friendship remains strong. Again, she is another one that brings a positive spin to my life. A former classmate, who returned to live in the area, is always ready to join me in an adventure or come to my aid when needed. No matter how these bonds originated, I am glad they remain.

As life is fluid, I feel no one should become stagnant where friends are concerned. I have a bounty of longtime friends and I am fortunate that recently I have increased my abundance. If you read my recent blog Airing Dirty Laundry I make reference to a friend that helped me organize and clean prior to my surgery. What is so remarkable about this experience is that this is a relevantly new friendship yet it has been profound. I found myself asking for help and graciously accepting it when I was the most vulnerable. That is nothing that I would have anticipated from a new acquaintance.

When I think about those I have known over the years, I realize that I have had some friends that existed for a finite period. There was nothing that terminated our alliance but a change in life’s circumstances created a natural separation. I have countless numbers of acquaintances that have enriched my life in various ways. I treasure those whose friendship has been tested with time, distance and other bumps in the road. I also recognize that these precious relationships are a two way street. Distance could be a deterrent to remaining close but it is worth the effort to stay in touch. There are no guarantees in life so it is worth the effort to never take anyone for granted. Life can be ordinary in so many ways but can present challenges that could blindside us. There are those who could offer support and enrichment and it is worth the effort to remain open to the opportunity of meeting them. I believe that true friendship binds you by impenetrable heartstrings. Friends are the family that you choose. You might not have the same blood coursing through your veins but you share history and a sense of caring and connection that can be as strong as any root in a family tree.

Connections

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It was not hard to decide to attend Ruth’s Celebration of Life. Although I was 2 ½ weeks beyond my surgery I felt I would be mobile enough with the help of my friend. I wanted to be there for several reasons. Ruth had been my Girl Scout leader. At a time when young girls were exploring who they were and what they might aspire to, it was important to have someone step up and guide that process. I also had the good fortune to know her after I had become an adult. Although it was a given that she was a loving and selfless mother and grandmother, she was also known for her involvement with her community and faith life. Her daughter was a long time classmate of mine. We were not close growing up yet I feel we have created a bond through today’s social media. As my mother died over a decade ago I felt I wanted to offer my presence as one who understood the loss.

I didn’t know many people in attendance but there were a few familiar faces. Of those, I didn’t know what connection might have been forged between Ruth and them. I could have asked as I feel I possess enough social graces to inquire without being offensive. I decided not to and allowed conversation to go elsewhere. I found that after the day, I continued to question the connections life offers us. How are these relationships formed? Do they come to us randomly? Granted, Ruth was fortunate to be blessed with a long life, and there were multiple relationships she must have enjoyed over the years. So very often after someone dies, age will often dictate how many people attend their memorial. It might be a matter of practicality, illness, mobility issues or death itself that might strip someone of their vast social connections. It is comforting to see contemporaries as well as others from different generations come and pay their respects.

I continued to dwell on the thought of how a lifetime of connections would translate to the loss family, friends and community may feel in the passing of one of its members. If someone has the good fortune of living many decades the relationships built and enjoyed could be immeasurable. I am not contemplating the six degrees of Kevin Bacon but the reality of all of us and how our life creates interactions with those on an exponential level. As much of my professional life was spent working within the community I know there are those whose lives I touched, whose names and faces would be unfamiliar to me now. Truthfully, I relish the idea of being of service to someone who remains unknown to me on a personal level. That is the purest form of giving of oneself and I count myself fortunate to have the opportunity to have experienced such a blessing. I also am blessed by the myriad of people whose relationships are personal.

Is there a goal that comes as a result of my contemplation? It might not be what you expect. Do I want standing room only at my memorial? No, but I would like to think that those I leave behind would find comfort and solace in having a shared connection with me being the common denominator. We are inundated with news of climate change and how important it is to leave the smallest carbon footprint possible. On the other hand Chief Seattle was known for saying, “Take only memories, leave only footprints.” I know what goal I choose. I am not concerned about any remaining footprint that I might cast but I would rather bestow a smile and full heart with those I share a connection. I will make an effort to be civil, kind and thoughtful to those whose paths I cross. I hope that I would never hesitate to offer a hand or support when I see the need. I will continue to live my mantra: If I think something nice I share it. Further, I pray that gratitude be at the very core of my being, not just for every breath I am given but also for every connection made along the way.

Balance

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I recently had surgery. It was major. Although I thought I was prepared, the scenarios I created in my mind fell short of what would be reality. With this necessary recovery I have had to slow my pace. This downtime has allowed me time to think about items I ordinarily wouldn’t have the time to explore. I am beginning to think that I could insert the word “life” for surgery and make some comparisons.

If you have read any of my previous blogs you might have identified my appreciation of being self-sufficient and independent. Retaining that was part of my strategy. I don’t like the feeling of being vulnerable but surgery aka life often has a different lesson to teach. The surgery presented me with mobility issues and I couldn’t expect my days to run routinely. My game plan was not to totally shut people out but not to have anyone stay with me. I implemented that approach but found that I was grateful when help found its way to my doorstep.

There seems to be a recurrent theme in my life. Stubbornness and pride often get whittled away. What I initially view as strong traits, perceived as gifts, have often been challenges that need to be addressed. This recent surgery has had me look upon daily activities, those that we all take for granted, as challenging and almost impossible tasks. No one considers jumping into the shower a physical challenge but I learned it took thought and energy. Struggling to find the ability to follow through with normal routine care made me feel subhuman.

I am fortunate to be doing well. I have been blessed with a great medical team and a support system without rival.  There are those who have encouraged me from a distance by offering their well wishes and prayers. My 18 year old cat took a week to adjust to the upheaval but she soon realized that the change in routine and additional equipment didn’t change who I was. Her attention and affection have brought me great comfort. I cannot think of one item that has gone unaddressed. Once again, I have had to learn to be humble and gracious. There is a question as to whether I could ever repay the many ways I have been cared for but I realize those who are assisting me are not doing it for recompense. I look forward to being able to find ways to pay it forward and assist others when opportunity permits.

Life often brings us items that need to be addressed. It could involve any aspect of our existence: health, finance or relationships. Shielding our eyes never resolves the issue and can often make the challenge a larger one. Making the needed improvement takes time and planning. Nothing worthwhile can be rushed. During that time of correction, it can be uncomfortable. There could be days that one wonders if it would have been easier to ignore it but it is important to face it head on and continue to move forward. In time the pain and difficulty will ease and soon be forgotten. The gain can be celebrated. Life doesn’t promise that we only have to meet the test once but with each trial we acquire the skill and ability to face the next challenge with grace. It’s all a balancing act. When my recovery is complete I will rejoice but I pray that I don’t soon forget the lessons imparted.

Gifts

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We are all familiar with the time and thought that goes into selecting the perfect gift for someone. The selection could be the consequence of knowing them so well or maybe it is the result of a conversation that never left your memory. The satisfaction of giving could be equal to the delight of the recipient. To witness the joy in one’s eye or the smile that lights up their entire face is a reward in itself. What if that moment is only fleeting? What if you never see them wear the outfit or never witness the item displayed in their home? I wonder if God feels that way when we don’t incorporate his gifts into our lives.

I imagine God patting each infant on their head and sharing with them the main gift he is bestowing upon them as they prepare for their transition to a mortal existence. To some he generously offers teaching and the ability to enlighten children or inventing creations that will be immeasurably helpful to mankind. Some might be given the opportunity to continue to add to the beauty of the earth as a stonemason or landscaper. Others could add beauty through artistic endeavors: sculptor, photographer, musician and poet. This generosity doesn’t stop at talent but also has a combination of personality traits that could allow one to be compassionate, empathetic, kind and generous. God would know the appropriate talent and trait for each earthbound soul. I imagine he smiles, satisfied, as each one of his creations begins their passage through life, supplied with gifts, talents and traits.

I also believe that no one who is given the breath of life gets off free of charge. There are challenges interspersed along the way. I have learned that they too are blessings. They present us with the opportunity to look at the source of our creation and ask for help. I am certain that we don’t stand alone. When we were sent on our journey in life, God didn’t treat us like the candy on the conveyer belt in the I Love Lucy episode. No matter how swiftly life and its events seem to move, he hasn’t let one piece escape him. It’s okay if we have a complaint as customer service is always open. I don’t feel I am being irreverent but rather, because of my gifts, I have been able to maintain humor in light of challenges experienced.

Sometimes gifts are uncovered quickly, others take a while to develop and some might require a lifetime before they are integrated into someone’s existence. Not all talents are necessarily destined to be a professional calling. They can be a passion that sparks your imagination and brings delight. No matter how those abilities are presented, sabotage and a lack of confidence can be an individual’s worse enemies. Their pull can be so strong at times. It may be cliché but true, each day presents us with another opportunity to try again. There is only one expiration date on the goods we have been given. I don’t know about you, but when I reach my expiration date, I want to know I haven’t left any of my gifts unwrapped.